Friday, April 17, 2009
life and such
I love Haines. I really do. But I have been here for a total of about two months since I was last in Seattle and I feel like I am bored out of my mind. Where does that come from? It's not just that it's a small town. My life in Haines is very similar to what it was in Seattle... it's that I'm in one place. How is it that after two months in one place (even with a weekend trip to Canada) I can be so restless? Haines is home. I love it here. There is nowhere else that I'd rather live right now, but I feel so discontent. Maybe because I compare myself to friends like Becca, who do crazy stuff in Africa; or friends like Annie, who follow their dreams; or my family members, who seem to be living the "American dream;" or people like the creators of FailBlog, that can take humanity's stupidity and share it for all to laugh at and make money doing it. Or maybe it's because I know that I'm so close to being able to go somewhere where it's sunny and warm (Kona in 7 days!!) I want to be doing the best that I can to follow God and point others toward him, but how can one measure that in any way? I think that part of my discontent stems from not being able to measure that at all here. It was easy to assume that I was doing good when I was in the Dominican Republic. But here in Haines, I just have to trust that God is using me for his good. All I know for sure is that I feel like I will always be longing for more at least a little bit because this earth is not my home. But there has to be some middle ground. But how do I find that?
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3 comments:
I know what you mean. It is far easier to feel more faithful or effective when you're serving in another country.
and on longing for more...you're so right..we will always have that holy longing until we are finally, home.
I remember a deputee years ago saying that one thing she learned on her trip was how important is is to have "faith in the valley." It's easy to be excited and motivated when you are tackling something with a concrete goal and concrete timeframe (as is often the case when we are serving overseas). Much harder to do when you are going about our day to day activities - but that's were we spend most of our time - in the valley of day to day life.
And I don't know about that "american dream" statement - we're still in the valley around here, too.
You are such an awesome young woman! It's been so humbling to see your thoughts and desire to pursue the Lord! I am so proud of you and excited for you!
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